Have you ever noticed that almost every person you meet has their own set of rules for life?

I don't mean the big '10 Commandment/Bible/Bhagavad Gita type rules. I mean stuff like 'whatever you do, do not get toast crumbs in the butter dish', or 'never take the top envelope beside the bank machine'. etc.

I too have a number of these rules, 5 of which i will now share with you, my internet friends:

1. Anything that is mint flavoured should not be added to anything cold.

Example:

Mint chocolate = good

Ice Cream = good

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream = bad.

The reason - the mint makes the ice cream too cold. That's right, too cold. Therefore ruining the taste of perfectly good ice cream and perfectly good mint chocolate. These things should be enjoyed separately, and never together. Like bananas and 7Up.


2. Never watch a movie with talking animals or animals that have human jobs, unless it's a cartoon.

This should be common sense really. Talking animals are just creepy, as are animals that hold human jobs. Like all those stupid Air Bud movies and that one about the run away dogs that makes everyone cry. Animals cannot hold down regular jobs and they certainly cannot talk. To make that appear to be true just seems silly and is never, ever funny. Seriously.

3. Have a penny - drop a penny.

I don't like getting pennies in my change. I think we should just get rid of them and round everything up to the nickle. In the meantime though, i have decided that when i get a penny, i will drop it on the ground somewhere. The reason i do this is because old people and little kids love finding pennies. 'Find a penny pick it up and all day you'll have good luck'. So every-time i drop a penny, i am totally making someone's day. Which makes me feel pretty awesome.  

4. Buying ice from the store is worth every overpriced penny.

As my good friend G. Love would say, I like cold beverages. There is nothing better than an ice filled glass of Diet Pepsi.. and there is no easier way to ruin it than by filling the glass with homemade freezer ice. Yuck. Who wants their beverage to taste like freezer burn and frozen peas? Not I. Splurge a little and buy yourself a bag of some super clean, crystal clear, made in an ice factory, ice cubes today. You will not regret it.

5. It's ok to cry at stupid stuff on TV.. as long as you are alone.

I once had to pull my car over to the side of the road because a Coke commercial on the radio made me weep til i couldn't see. 4 realz.

Ever since my fairly recent foray into 'Old Man' territory i have come to realize it's no use trying to hold in emotions. Especially if you are sitting home alone on a Friday night watching a recently downloaded episode of Friday Night Lights where Saracen has to put his grandmother in a nursing home because her Alzheimer's is so bad and he can't take care of her anymore and he just wants to play football and maybe go to art school when he graduates...

*Deep breath*

It's totally ok to cry about stuff like that as long as there is no one else in the room.

And you probably shouldn't blog about afterward.